Sid Cast Description

UF Interviews Sid Dabster

UF: Rumours around the coffee pot are that you actually came up with the idea for Unix. Is this true? If so, why aren't you recognized for it?

SD: They're untrue. I'm the one who came up with fire.

UF: It's been rumoured that you can actually whistle a 300 baud connection handshake. Is this true? And if so, can we hear you do it?

SD: No, I can do 110 baud on a good day. It's a range thing.

UF: Don't you have any T-shirts or blue jeans in your wardrobe at all?

SD: Well, I *do* have some birkenstocks and khakhi hiking shorts around from when I was at Berkeley...

UF: Other than your encounters with Pitr and the other staff of Columbia Internet, please describe your favorite or most defining BOFH moment.

SD: Several come to mind, but a particular incident that I remember with a smile was back in my TOPS 20 days, I was a systems programmer for a firm whose name shall remain a quiet little secret. The sysadmin was an eager young buck with a penchant for sweeping generalities and frothy drinks. We'll call him $FOO. On this particular occasion wee $FOO approached my desk (hereinafter referred to as the "Altar") with question as to what this "ADVENT" program I was running after hours was. I explained that it was a revision of the operating system that I'd hacked up over the weekend. Eagerly, of course, the young man wished to try it. So I replaced the system error message digest with a suitably mangled adventure text file and any file permission error from then on was noted with "You are eaten by a grue". Persistent rumors have it that he is responsible for an unamed Redmond software company's "grue screen of death". Tragic, really.

UF: There was an announcement of your LCI status a while back. How has this helped you in the workplace?

SD: It helped immensely and gave me a new sense of satisfaction. You should've seen Pitr's face.

UF: What did you parents do?

SD: My father was a roadie for a band called "Skunk Babbage." My mother was a grade school teacher. My other mother was a shrimp boat skipper.

UF: What form/flavour of caffeine do you prefer? (We've seen the cup, you're busted there.)

SD: Yeah, you got me. A triple-shot espresso gets me started for the day. Gotta tell ya though, when I go to the loo the entire bathroom smells like coffee. Nasty habit, caffeine.

UF: If you were stranded on a desert island without food or water together with Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos, who would you eat first in order to prevent starvation?

SD: Gates. Have you seen Bezos? He wouldn't make a decent meal.

UF: Where do you stand on the mother of all Unix holy wars, System V or BSD?

SD: System V, hands down. It hurts more.

UF: Name your favourite old iron mainframe, and why.

SD: DECSystem20. Of course. Tops-20. Of course. 36 bit architecture. The old architecture line started with the pdp-6 then the pdp-10. Tops had this fantastic command line. Type a ? in response to any prompt and it would list the legal responses.

UF: Which was your favourite PDP?

SD: The 11/70. It fit in my basement *perfectly*. And the power supply will run the air conditioner.

UF: I have an old Vector Graphocs, S-100 Z-80 CP/M system with a NEC Spinwriter printer and a 5 Meg hard drive just lying around. What should I do with this dinosaur?

SD: Hmm. CP/M? That brain damaged RSTS clone? Oh for an 8 bit clone of a minicomputer OS it worked fine. The spinwriter could be used. Serial 9600 baud, if I recall correctly.

UF: Is it Instructor Sid, Professor Sid, or something else entirely?

SD: I prefer the less ambiguous "My Lord, Sid" instead.

UF: How are you doing tutoring Mike in the art of Bastardry? Will you take on other students, or is it a case of "there are always two, a master and an apprentice?"

SD: Mike is coming along, but I fear his progress is slow because he's too much of a gentle soul. I'll correct that of course, by making it seem like Pitr or Stef was the one who stretched saran-wrap over the toilet bowl.

UF: Do you have anything special planned for Pitr in the near future?

SD: Yes. It involves Visual Basic, a camera, and international exposure.

UF: What are the possibilities of you and Pitr teaming up (not necessarily as friends, just with a common purpose) and working some mayhem together?

SD: The possibility does exist. It will have to wait until Pitr is done with puberty first.

UF: Seeing as you've made the trip around the daystar a few times, what advice can you give to up and coming geeks?

SD: Find a mentor, tell them you're not worthy and buy them beer. Daily.